Learn my name. . . Bitch.

My uncle died. It sucked. He got dealt a crap hand when it came to his heart and eventually his luck ran out. That, however, is not the subject of this post. The subject of this post is that my mother-in-law sent a sympathy card. Cue audience "awww." Yeah. Not so much. You see, the card was addressed to Carie Huffenstuff--my MAIDEN NAME. Certainly she just got mixed-up, had a 'blonde moment' (the hubs and I are convinced this is what she'll say) and forgot that I'm MARRIED TO HER DAMN SON? Yeah, I don't buy that, either. The card actually read "Carie Huffenstuff & Family." Uh. . . like she isn't sure of the 'family.' I mean she also sent a card to my mom, so who else is included in that term? I'm fairly certain the real message is:

Dear Daughter-in-Law, I want to make it abundantly clear that you aren't actually a Martini, and what better time than to kick you when you are down? I know you might think you are actually part of our dysfunctional, destructive family unit, but you would be wrong. I want to send this insult in conjunction with a thoughtful gesture, so that it can easily be written off as a mistake.
Love,
Mama Martini

If I were to get this message, my response might go something like this:

Dear Monster Martini,
While I am proud to be the wife of your son, I am a-okay with not being apart of your furked-up family unit. As a matter of fact, I much prefer it that way. The use of my maiden name reminds me of how great my parents are and how appreciative I am that you are half a continent away.
Sincerely,
Monkey's Mommy, Wife to Hubby, and still using the last name Martini, no matter how much you hate it.

What would your response be to such a slight?