Whoever Said There are No Dumb Questions. . . .

Well, interwebs and my ones of readers, I am with child again. Yep. It's true. AND it makes me bitchy. I wish I were one of those glowy, dewy complexioned, grateful, graceful pregnant ladies, but mainly I'm just more pudgy, more acne-ridden and grouchy. Big Ol' Bitch. That's me.

After seeing my OB (whom I had seen in a delivery room a scant 8 months prior) and getting the pregnancy confirmed (because 3 home tests weren't enough), my husband called up his crazy-ass parents. Later that day, I got a text from his mom that was just a smiley face icon. Like a 14-year-old girl.

Me: Thanks. We are working over the shock to be excited.

Crazy-ass mother-in-law: Yes. . .we bet you are! Are you feeling well? Morning/evening sickness? Able to work still?


Wha???? Back that train up. Able to work still? Um, yeah. Because unlike you, I want to contribute to my household budget. AND because I'm 6 effing weeks pregnant. How would that memo go to my boss?

Dear Sirs,
Due to my pregnancy, I will be unable to work for the next 34 weeks and then will require the following 12 weeks for maternity leave. I expect that my paychecks will continue during this time period. You may contact me via cell phone with questions, but not during naptime, please. I need my rest.
Sincerely,
Big Ol' Bitch

If her question wasn't the most ridiculous question of all time, then I don't know what is. I have worked through both of my previous pregnancies through 39 weeks. How the hell could I possibly stop at 6 weeks pregnant this time? Effffff. She's stoopid.

Neediness Makes Me Effing Crazy

So my wee Monkey is turning three next week. I have hand-delivered a large majority of the invites. I need to get to the Post Office to get stamps for the remainder. I know I'm late. I'm royally inept with the US Postal System--it's why my Christmas cards are still sitting on the counter. Yep.

My needy sister-in-law needily sent needy text messages to my husband this eve.

What time is Monkey's party next Saturday? Do you have plans for your birthday?

Fortunately, her husband is a pilot and she is going to try and come for the party. Yay. My husband then sent her a picture of the invite (still waiting to be sent). Her response?

I didn't get that in the mail :(

My husband totally anted up this time. His response has done more to make me glad he's all mine than anything in a long time.

Because they haven't been sent out. No one is forgetting about you, Sarah.

This is also the woman who called last year to ask if we had already sent her Christmas gift, because she hadn't received it yet.

Effing. Irritating.